Purgatory

Usually when I am at my most self-righteous, indignant, and defiant, something comes along and throws me for a loop. Such was the case after my last post.

I’ve been working this miserable job for almost 18 months now (and a similarly miserable one for the year prior), going above and beyond in an attempt to work myself into a better position. That opportunity had seemed to come along back in November, at which time I applied for a Training Specialist position. It would be the ideal way to do what I enjoy doing, while still benefitting from a steady source of income and all the perks of working for an organization.

Months went by, and nothing happened. I completed the professional certification, I taught classes, I volunteered and worked twelve hour shifts and sacrificed weekends of agility. Still nothing.

When I wrote my last post, I had reached the breaking point. I had had ENOUGH. No news had come on the possible great job, and I could not bear another day of making copies and serving as a trained monkey when I am capable of so much more. Ready to give my notice on a Monday, I decided it would be less stressful to break the news on a Friday, thus giving everyone the weekend to digest the information.

THAT DAY, I finally received the call to interview. Seriously?

I completed the first interview on Monday March 5th, and we spent the last 10 minutes laughing and chatting about our dogs. It seemed to go well, and after a couple of days, I received the call to schedule the follow up interview with a panel of managers.

I spent a stressful weekend of course building and trying not to obsess about the interview, while messing Xander up and costing us many Q’s along the way. He is a good sport though, and still had fun even though his handler was a space cadet.

Monday morning came, and so did my interview. Inquisitions are never fun, with five to one, but it seemed to go well, and I even had them laughing at the end.

Days have gone by, and I am still waiting for the decision. There were a total of four positions, two of which remain unfilled. My friend and colleague Sue has been waiting two weeks for the final verdict, but it seems it will never come. Three days have been torture for me, I cannot imagine two weeks.

I cannot concentrate or think of anything else. My life seems to hang in the balance. Will I remain on this path and make TWICE the money I make now? Will I travel to Wisconsin for training, and make a career out of this, or will I again find myself looking down that unworn path of uncertainty? Taking this position could lead us out of debt in a few years, and I could afford that training facility of my dreams within a decade. Buster could change his own path if he desired. The money could afford us so many options.

However, if I am not selected, how long can I tolerate this demeaning, demoralizing, and unfulfilling life? Jumping ship seemed like the only option, but in looking at how much money we spend, and the prospect of Buster being trapped where he is forever no longer seems viable.

I am stuck in limbo and have no control over what decision will be made. I have made the efforts, the connections, and presented my argument. Now all I can do is wait and see what happens.

I hate waiting.