Two Horses Pulling a Cart

In historic, scenic, old world-style cities such as St. Augustine and Fernandina, it is not uncommon to see horses pulling decorative carriages down the cobblestone streets among the cars and motorcycles. Their eyes seem dull and sad as they trudge through the same streets each day, pulling heavy tourists in the Florida heat. Buster hates to see this, and feels empathy for their drudgery, and the lack of any perceivable enjoyment in their lives. Perhaps they don’t know any better, or perhaps they dream of running wild and free through open fields. Who can truly know for sure, but if their souls are akin to ours, I imagine they would prefer the freedom.

After seeing one of these carriages last weekend, it reminded me of a bit of advice I once received, unsolicited, as advice often comes. Buster and I were sitting in our local VyStar Credit Union office, sacrificing precious Saturday afternoon hours in order to open a joint checking account. An older gentleman was sitting across from us as the minutes ticked away into hours. At first, he appeared to be sleeping, but he soon stirred, perhaps due to our conversation. Boldly, he asked if we were newlyweds. After exchanging amused glances, we explained that we were not. This was actually last year, well before Buster had proposed to me, and we had only discussed the topic superficially. Buster and I explained that since we were then sharing an apartment, and the resulting rent, electricity, and water bills, a joint account would make bill paying simpler. We have in fact worked out an effective system where Buster goes to work to earn money, and I keep track of where it’s supposed to go. When bills are left in his hands, they often find themselves shuffled into a drawer somewhere until several days past their due date.

The gentleman nodded understanding and prefaced his advice by stating that although he was not currently married, he’d been married several times, and for several years at a time, and had learned one thing. “Marriage can be great, as long as both horses are pulling the cart in the same direction.”

We smiled and thanked him for his input, and continued with our business. It has been nearly a year since we instituted our joint checking account system, and thus far it has worked very effectively. We each have our duties as part of the cart pulling team, and we each have our strengths and weaknesses. Buster, much like one of those majestic horses, trudges through hours of work and school to earn his pay and improve his knowledge and skill set. He is generally tolerant to large amounts of verbal and physical abuse from customers and management, and never stops moving forward. His strength of mind, body, and will is truly something to behold. Buster is also an incredible cook and often treats me to grilled delicacies and homemade delights. He also contributes to apartment cleaning by vacuuming, wiping down tables, and occasionally washing dishes (although he runs the dishwasher so infrequently that last night he mistook the sound of it running for one of my dogs vomiting). He is however, furthermore banned from doing laundry. Regrettably, his efforts to contribute in this department have left piles of wrinkled clothes, holes in new sweaters after being washed with metal objects, and work shirts covered in ink after pens were left in pockets. While I applaud the thought behind these efforts, my clothes would be safest if he were forbidden from this task. Bill paying, as mentioned previously, is also a task better suited for someone such as myself, who has more free time and organizational skills.

As for myself, I am a horrendous cook and will often cause spontaneous kitchen fires and third degree burns. In much the same manner that Buster is banned from the laundry room, I am banned from performing any duties in the kitchen except for cleaning up. I am good at this. I would also never attempt to build or repair anything, again, for fear of injury or destruction.

Fortunately, we continue to recognize and respect the contributions each of us makes in our daily lives. He never ceases to thank me for providing him with clean clothes to wear, and I never fail to laude his culinary masterpieces. This goes to show that we each do our fair share of weight pulling. As for direction, we are fortunate to have complimentary goals and dreams. We enjoy the same types of activities; share the same aspirations for careers and home ownership, and have agreed not to have children. We appreciate one another’s hobbies and passions, and although we are supportive and involved, we allow each other the space to have individual lives and stories to tell. So far, we’ve had no trouble agreeing to the direction we are pulling, although we are just beginning to discover our strength and speed. No doubt the road will be rough at times in our lives, but I have a strong feeling that with continued mutual respect, understanding, and communication, we can continue happily on the path together.

The moral of the story? Life is hard. Money has to be earned, food has to be cooked, bills have to be paid, laundry has to be done, and a myriad of other tasks are in constant need of being performed just to get through day to day life. One horse pulling a cart is burdened with all the weight of these responsibilities, and is often tired and sad. Two horses, provided they agree to the direction they are pulling, have half as much weight to pull. In fact, two horses that are happy with their teammate are apt to pull the cart so hard and fast that they get the job done in time to enjoy a romp in the field or a leisurely stroll down scenic lanes. I am equally lucky and overjoyed to have such a handsome steed to be joined with in pulling our cart through life. If we work hard enough, we might even have some fancier wheels on our cart and softer saddles on our backs one day.